


The Sound of Silence

by princess_mouse



Category: Alter Bridge, Guns N' Roses, Slash (Musician)
Genre: Depression, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 04:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12005358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_mouse/pseuds/princess_mouse
Summary: “None of this changes how I feel about you,” Slash said stepping forward and pulling the thinner man into a hug.





	The Sound of Silence

It was constant.

A continuous ringing sound and it got on his nerves. It would start out as a low ringing and eventually started to feel deafening throughout the day. It was a sound only he could hear. No one around him heard what he did and it was maddening. He covered his ears in hopes to block it out but it was no use. Everyday his ears rang and reminded him of his affliction.

 **Tinnitus** tin.ni.tus _noun_ ringing or buzzing in the ears.

It made him feel insane. Insecure and ruined. Tainted.

It pissed him off. Even if life wasn’t fair this was the most unfair thing that could ever happen to him. Slash kept saying it would get better but it didn’t. Every waking moment he heard the ringing. The loudness got to him and made him want to down a handful of pills. If it would stop the constant noise in his own ears and head he would be happy.

Wait, he already tried that. In his defense, the depression and anxiety he was feeling that day made it easier to swallow down as many Xanax as he could.

_Slash pulled back the strands of brown hair and held Myles’ slack body against his. The sounds of retching and sobbing rang loudly against the bathroom walls and made the ringing in Myles’ ears worse._

_“We have to go to the hospital,” Slash whispered._

_Myles wanted to debate but he was far to sick to protest. The drowsiness was making his thoughts clouded and without his boyfriend there to hold him up he would be back on the floor._

_“How many did you take?” Slash pressed. “My, this is important. How many pills did you take, hun?”_

_Strong arms held him as he started to feel tired again. The ringing in his ears was as loud as the moment he downed what was left in the bottle. “Not a lot. Maybe a dozen? I don’t know,” Myles slurred._

He couldn’t put Slash through that again. That was one of the worst nights in their six-year relationship. Slash said he couldn’t watch Myles get his stomach pumped again. When he was finally released home after a forced stay in the hospital for 72 hours, Slash had cleared the house of anything harmful.

_“So, how exactly am I supposed to eat dinner or shave?” Myles asked agitatedly. Every move he made, Slash followed him and made him feel like he was untrustworthy._

_Slash leaned against the doorframe and tried to pretend he wasn’t purposely watching his boyfriend. “Just ask me if you need something,” he replied._

_“You expect me to sign out sharp items because you can’t trust me? Let me guess you hid all the pills in the house too. You better hide my guitar strings, I’m sure I can find a way to hurt myself with them,” Myles snapped sarcastically._

_“I’m holding onto your Prozac and will give it to you as scheduled.” Slash said sadly. “I’m doing this for your safety, I hope you understand that. You really scared me, My.”_

_Tears of frustration and anger pooled in Myles’ blue eyes as he glared at Slash. He knew his boyfriend was doing all of this to help him. Everything Slash did was out of love. “Don’t do this to me,” he said feeling the tears start to spill past his eyelids._

_“None of this changes how I feel about you,” Slash said stepping forward and pulling the thinner man into a hug. “This isn’t meant to be a punishment. I want you to get better.”_

The Prozac made him tired.

The emotional pain was still there as he stirred his spoon around his bowl of cereal. His appetite was gone and Slash would have to find creative ways to interest him in food. Bananas remained his primary choice when all else failed and made his stomach turn. His clothes started to get baggier as his weight shifted and he lost his muscle mass. His already thin frame became boney and uncomfortable. It wasn’t an eating disorder, it was numbed depression.

Slash told him he looked beautiful as he got thinner. That word made Myles cringe. He didn’t feel beautiful anymore. His hips became razor sharp and his ribs were showing more. His cheekbones were becoming more noticeable and made him think he looked sickly. He pulled his hair back into ponytails and tried his best to stay warm. The loss of his muscle and tiny amount of body fat made him always feel cold. Most of his days were spent wearing his favorite plaid pajama pants and a hoodie. Slash would snuggle up close to him and tried to give him the extra warmth he needed. He was the shoulder to cry on and the safe arms to hold Myles through these last two months.

_“Stop,” Myles groaned._

_Slash felt the man on top of him stop moving. His blue eyes were suddenly empty. The pleasured look now replaced with a despondent one. Myles was rolling off him before he had a chance to ask what was wrong. He knew it was the Prozac. It took away Myles’ sex drive and appetite._

_Myles was staring up at the ceiling. The ringing in his ears was obnoxiously loud tonight. His heart was thumping hard in his chest and his stomach was uneasy. He felt sick inside. His thoughts raced but his emotions were numbed. Everything was off. He could sense Slash watching him. Calloused fingers rubbed at his cheekbones to console him. He didn’t feel like he deserved to share a bed with his boyfriend._

_“Please leave me alone,” Myles said closing his eyes._

_That didn’t stop Slash from pulling him into a hug and kissing his forehead. Nothing deterred the older man from providing comfort. “I love you so much,” Slash said lovingly. “Things will get better. Sometimes it takes time.”_

Time didn’t seem to change things (or that was how it felt).

Myles stood in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. The house was silent but the noise within his ears and head was loud enough. He needed to wash his hair, dry shampoo was becoming his favorite thing. Slash was threatening to ban it from the house soon. He had his hair neatly pulled back in a little bun. He spent part of the morning sitting in the bathtub breaking down and washing his hair was the last thing on his mind. Today was a pajama pants and long sleeve shirt kind of day. Myles knew he would probably end up laying on the couch and zoning out or going back to bed.

Outside in the yard, Slash was taking one of his many pets for a walk. After monitoring Myles’ use of his razor to shave in the morning, he was ready to get outside. He was aware of how much it hurt Myles’ feelings to be treated like he can’t be trusted with anything.

The Prozac made him tired but also shaky. It could be the lack of appetite or the medications but Myles’ hands were trembling. Today was a difficult day. The kind of day that meant he was going to be on edge. He hated being unpredictable. Knowing Slash was holding back touring and music engagements to take care of him made him feel worse. Someone as talented as his boyfriend shouldn’t be held back and cancelling offers. Slash needed to share his music with the world not babysitting his unstable boyfriend.

Myles pulled Slash’s favorite mug from the dishwasher and safely put it on the shelf. His hand trembled as he reached up above his head. The trembling and shaking made him feel weak. He wasn’t trustworthy to handle things like their guitars. He couldn’t even hold one of Slash’s beloved reptiles in fear he might drop one of them. He returned to the menial task at hand. He needed to do something productive today. He wanted to prove that he didn’t need Slash to take care of everything for them.

_“I can handle laundry,” Myles said in an irritated tone._

_Slash was trying to take the heaping laundry basket from Myles as he made his way towards their laundry room. “I’m just helping,” Slash answered defensively._

_Myles pulled away from Slash’s advance. “Saul, I like laundry. Let me enjoy it,” he said taking a sharp turn into the smaller room. He didn’t bother shooing his boyfriend away. They sorted the clothes into like colors together and Slash respected Myles space._

_“I don’t get how you enjoy this,” Slash said as he threw another shirt into the pile of black clothes. Myles was leaning against the washer smiling. “Would that smile be you flirting?”_

_Blue eyes watched the other as he threw more black shirts into a pile. He leaned back more against the washer and chewed at his lip. Today was one of his better days and when Slash abandoned his sorting duty to lift him up onto the washer, that made everything better. There was no hesitation or lack of sexual appetite. Just the feeling of Slash’s hands on his hips was enough to keep him smiling._

There were no smiles today. Only the instability and noise. Shaking hands and staggered breathing. Anger and sadness.

The sound of shattering glass shook Myles out of his daze.

His hands trembled as he looked down at the mess of glass on the kitchen floor. One of the crystal glasses had hit the hardwood and shattered. Anger coursed through Myles as he saw one of their best glasses in pieces. His trembling hand grabbed a mug from the dishwasher and he threw it down onto hardwood. He didn’t realize the tears just the anger that overtook him. All the bottled-up rage poured out as he unloaded the dishwasher onto the floor. Shards of glass littered the floor in little glittering bits.

He didn’t notice Slash standing in the doorway nor did he hear the words of concern that left his boyfriend’s mouth. “Myles! You need to stop,” Slash said raising his voice. He cautiously walked towards the dishwasher. He was thankful he had shoes on as he heard glass crunching under his feet. Slash extended his hand and tried to reason with him, “Give me the glass, darling.”

“I can’t take it anymore!” Myles screamed. “My career is over. How am I going to tour or perform with this screaming sound in my ears? Tell me that!”

Myles held the glass up above his head and prepared to throw it down as hard as he physically could. Slash’s heart started to tighten in his chest as he heard Myles’ words. He knew how much his boyfriend was hurting but to hear him finally put words to the pain made it feel worse.

“Your career isn’t over, someone as talented as you wouldn’t quit. There is sound therapy. Music doesn’t have to leave our home or lives because you have Tinnitus. I am here because I love you and I will do anything to help you through this. It’s been two months of silence about how you really feel. Let’s talk about your future in music and find a solution,” Slash said softly. His hand reached up and gently took hold of the glass in Myles’ hand. The dishwasher was between them but Myles surrendered the glass. “I’m right here and I’m not leaving, My.”

Myles’ lungs burned as he tried to breath in more air. The sobbing made the ringing in his ears hurt worse. His tears drenched his cheeks as he looked at his boyfriend. Slash blinked away his own damp eyes and he put the glass down onto the counter. There was nothing but love and support written on his boyfriend’s face and he was suddenly aware that Slash was hurting too. “I’m sorry,” Myles wailed pitifully.

Slash couldn’t look away from those blue eyes. Those eyes had drawn him in the first time he ever saw Myles perform. Next to that was his voice- the man sang like an angel and was humble about his talent. Two months of silence and bloodshot eyes made Slash miss his little songbird. He watched Myles hurt every single day and wished he could get this far talking wise. He looked around at the state of the kitchen, most of the contents of the dishwasher were smashed onto the floor. A small pool of blood around Myles’ left foot caused some alarm to the older man.

“Stay right where you are,” Slash said cautiously. He bent down to close the dishwasher before stepping closer to his boyfriend. He could easily clean this mess up anytime but he cared more about Myles’ foot. It didn’t take much to scoop up his boyfriend especially after all his weight loss. Slash hated to feel like the hero right now as he carried Myles away from the vandalized kitchen. Myles’ thin arms wrapped around his neck instinctively and he snuggled into the protective hold Slash had on him. He was whisked off to their bedroom and laid down gently on the bed as Slash went to get the first aid kit.

Myles still had some tears running down his cheeks but he watched Slash intently as he ever so softly cleaned the small cut. “Will I live?” Myles asked shyly.

“I hope so. I’d miss you dearly,” Slash chuckled. His steady hand held the tweezers as he pulled the shard of exposed glass from Myles’ foot. It was such a small cut but it bled a lot. It wasn’t worth a trip to the hospital but it was enough to make Slash baby him for the rest of the day. He continued his gentle mission to clean and chatted about little solutions for Myles’ Tinnitus till he bandaged up his foot.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a bit. Myles’ tears had long dried up and Slash lay beside him in bed now. A pillow propped up the younger man’s injured foot as he listened to Slash’s latest reptile obsessed story. Myles shoved a spoonful of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream into his mouth and felt his stomach settle. The shaking started to subside with every spoonful. Slash wasn’t going to fight him over eating a tub of ice cream. All he wanted was his boyfriend to get some food into his system and if it was going to be ice cream who was he to judge?

“Would you still tour with me?” Myles asked between a spoonful of ice cream.

Slash’s brown eyes focused lovingly on Myles. He would follow him anywhere in the world. He didn’t need to ask. Whether it was their tour, his own, or Myles’ Alter Bridge tours he would follow him. “You know I love touring with you. I’ll be there, darling,” Slash said. He leaned over and pecked his boyfriend on the cheek.

“Saul, what’s it like to hear silence?”

It never crossed Slash’s mind to ask what it felt like to hear high pitch ringing continuously. He thought the silence was the most dreadful sound in the world when it came to their home and lives. He never once considered that Myles wanted silence. “It’s deafening,” Slash offered.

Myles chuckled at that comment. He put aside the half empty tub of ice cream and rolled onto his side so he could look at his lover. His long fingers tangled into Slash’s curly hair and he really looked at him. For two months, Slash patiently stayed by his side and never once gave up on him. It didn’t surprise him that Slash would find a solution to help him. Right now, he would give anything to hear silence but the velvety sound of his boyfriend’s voice made him willing to suffer just to hear it. His nose nudged against Slash’s and his lips lightly touched the other man’s lips affectionately.

“How about we make a little noise?” Myles whispered seductively. That obnoxious ringing was still there but Slash’s voice kept him grounded. He focused on the sound of his boyfriend’s voice and tried to drown out everything else.

Slash bit at Myles’ bottom lip and tried to hold back his smile, “Then let’s make it loud.”

**Author's Note:**

> Myles Kennedy and I both suffer from the same problem.  
> His Tinnitus is severe in both ears and mine is only in my right ear.
> 
> This idea was floating about in my mind as I was stuck off and on in airports! Also, I was inspired to write a little more with Slash and hopefully another Duff story after seeing Guns N Roses last week!


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